She's here!

Monday the 15th of December, I was in my office going over some last minute things. My last day was going to be the 19th of December and I wanted to make sure everything was in order. I felt three very sharp and close together contractions, then nothing. My assistant kept telling me I was in labor but, I kept telling her I wasn't, everything was fine.

Tuesday morning, I woke up with the heaviest feeling in my lower belly, like I've NEVER felt this before. I get up to use the bathroom, waddled over to the toilet, pee, stood up and had the urge to go again. I began dripping, sat to pee again but, nothing. I got up to go back to bed and dripped all the way there. I automatically thought my water had broken but, I noticed while in the restroom, I was also passing lots of mucus so, I assumed my mucus plug broke. I laid down to go to sleep and SWORE I felt warm liquid coming out of me but, then again, maybe I didn't. In addition, I beginning to feel the very beginning of menstrual like cramps but, nothing serious. I just assume Bumble is moving her way down like everyone says she is supposed to. I keep feeling this warmth so, I get up to go online and research: urine vs. amniotic fluid, I have no clear answer. Pregnant women pee a lot, amniotic fluid smells sweet, blah, blah, blah.

I call Paul and let him know my back hurts, I'm not feeling well, I think I'm staying home from work, he's on his way. I call my doctor and explain to him whats going on, he says amniotic fluid would be clear and watery, since I'm describing something watery and mucusy, its probably just my mucus plug. He says to call if it gets worse if not, he'll see me at my regular appointment which is the next day. I decide to stay home from work. The rest of the day, my back hurts a little, I have slight cramps, and big globs of stuff come out of me. Other than being ridiculously sleepy, nothing seems too much out of the ordinary. I lay in bed and sleep, Paul rubs my back and makes sure I'm okay. Nothing major goes on for the rest of the day but a general feeling of sleepiness, heaviness and I drip every so often.

Wednesday morning I go to the doctor, I'm still dripping this mucus-y watery stuff. When I get up to go to the exam room, I gush water, I KNOW somethings up. The doctor examines me and says, "we're having a baby today, you broke your water I'm sending you to the hospital". "Right now?" I answer, "Yes" he says. "You mean like NOW?" I ask, I'm just so shocked. "Yes, he answers, "now. I call Paul, my mommy, my office, let everyone know I'm going to the hospital.

I get to the hospital and sign in. My doctor gave me a note, I fill out paper work, they take me into an examination room, Paul gets there like 15 minutes later, so quick, I was really surprised. I'm not dilated AT ALL, so, they decide to start me on Cervadil. Already, I don't like where this is headed and start complaining to Paul that I'm going to end up getting a C-Section. He tells me not to worry and off we go. We go to the pre-labor room where they insert the cervadil, my mom arrives. After about three hours, they move me to the delivery room and we all sit there chatting, laughing, nothing is happening, I dilate 1 centimeter in about 4 hours. All during the time we are there, the on call doctor keeps coming in and keeps calling my doctor. Apparently I'm having crazy contractions but, I don't really feel them. They keep looking at the monitors, asking me if I'm comfortable but I feel fine.

About 10 that evening, after only dilating to one centimeter, I hear the dreaded PITOCIN and I cringe. This is all overwhelming for me because my original plan was to have a serene home birth with John Coltrane, Erykah Badu and Nina Simone ushering our child into the world and everything I wanted is going straight out the window. But, I know I'm not dilating, I'm leaking fluid and this baby needs to come out so.... we go ahead and start it.

My mom has to leave, they only allow Paul to stay with me. I decide to try and get some sleep because I know it won't be possible later. I sleep for a while, maybe until about 3 in the morning, between people poking me and bothering me when the contractions get really bad. I'm hooked up to monitors but, I get out of the bed and try to labor squatting, walking around, just doing what I think my body wants. This causes a HUGE uproar, two nurses and the on call doctor come in and URGE me to get back in bed. They "threaten" to call my doctor and go on and on about the safety of the baby. I admittedly get very angry and start telling them to book my operating room now because there's no way I feel I can progress and labor properly if I'm laying in bed. I instantly become "that chick" and start telling them about the thousands of years of women who have labored and birthed without monitors. I reluctantly and loudly get back into bed. Paul, tries to persuade them to allow me to labor out of the bed. They call my doctor who lets them know its okay. I get out of bed for a bit but, the staff is looking at me like I'm going to jump out of the window or flip cart wheels so I again reluctantly and loudly get back in bed to labor the way they want me to. I remind them loudly that I'm going to need a c-section in a few hours. I yell something to the effect of, "Let's stop wasting our time here people, cut me open now."

I'm back in bed, angry, tired. The contractions begin to get worse. Paul is great, I think he only slept two minutes since the night before but he's up right there rubbing my back, holding me, helping me through the contractions but it becomes too much. I ask for an epidural, Paul runs out to get the epidural guy, he comes in, pushes this horrible needle in my back (I thought I was going to be paralyzed) but, I get the drugs which is the absolute best thing in the world. I get to rest, and sleep for hours. Poor Paul didn't sleep any, every time I opened my eyes he was looking at me or the monitors. About 8 in the morning, I'm checked and I'm dilated to all of 2.5 centimeters. My doctor comes in, examines me, knows how much I want to labor my way, knows my original plan of a natural, low intervention birth and gives me another couple of hours but tells me if I don't progress, we'll have to do "it". I've accepted my fate so, I go to sleep again.

I wake up, my doctor, who is wonderful looks at me and says, "you're ready kid?" (He's been my Dr. since I was 19), my mom and brother are there, the anesthesia team comes in, prep me, they were absolutely great and off we go to the OR.

I opted to be up during the operation. I'm a fat mama so, I think there was concern about the amount of drugs I should be given. At first, I feel pressure but not much pain. They're cutting and its weird to think our baby is coming now. After all of this time I get to see her and talk to her and hold her. Its overwhelming and scary at the same time. We hear her cry and I'm happy, I cry and try to sit up to see her, they bring her over to me and I see this little tiny scrunched up face, bright, chinky eyed baby. I kiss her and they take her away. Then, I feel pain, it feels like someone is yanking my belly button off, but from the inside, not a good feeling. I begin crying or screaming or making some kind of noise, I can't remember but I know I begin talking out loud to myself, I'm telling myself to relax, I begin singing and humming, what song, I have no idea. Paul is so calming,holding my hand but I look at him and he looks terrified, I know that I'm scaring him by singing, humming and talking to myself. I see the baby leave the room with a nurse, I ask him to go with the baby. He doesn't want to go, he says no. I feel bad now about asking him to leave knowing that he was so concerned about me but I was more concerned about the baby. I didn't want her to think she was alone in the world especially after months of telling her we loved her and wanted her. I wanted one of us at least to be with her and to not be surrounded by strangers.

Seeing that I was in pain, the anesthesiologist tries to put me to sleep but I don't want to go to sleep so, he gives me just enough drugs to make me loopy. The rest was over rather quickly or, I was given more drugs to believe it was over quickly but, my team was awesome. At the end when I was going to recovery, my doctor kissed my forehead and told me how great I'd done.

So, though things didn't go as I'd planned (we all know what is said about plans anyway), I'm happier than happy. Being pregnant in itself was such a great experience but to see what my body can do, to create and grow this perfect little person, I am in awe and grateful beyond belief.

Harmony = A perfect blend - Greek

Nayeli = I love you - Native American/Xotocan

Abeni = We asked for her and thank God, we got her - Yoruba

Week 35

I think we're in the home stretch now. On the calendar 5 weeks to go but in reality, I think about 3. I'm all too happy to hear that. According to our last ultrasound, Bumble is about 6 pounds, a big baby and I am all too ready to get her out. We are about 90% done with her room. Dad put together her crib and dresser which came out beautifully and we all too happily filled it with her stuff. We just need to sweep and mop once again, wash her diapers, smoke out the house and we are done. I was home for a few days and I was all too happy to play mommy, fixing up things, putting things where they belonged, organizing her diapers and toys. Then, unfortunately, I had to go back to work. Work is just so hard now at times. I hurt almost all day. Bumble kicks so low, sometimes when I'm walking, I feel like I'm going to fall over. I did however turn in my official letter of resignation. I have mixed feelings about that. I officially have 16 days of work left. I almost can't wait.

For the past month or so, I was eating terribly. Cheeseburgers, pizza, wings, just stuff that I KNOW I have no business eating. Over the past week or so, I've gone back to my normal, pre-pregnancy eating habits, lots of fruit, veggies, water, etc. I do feel better though, I was a bit hungry in the beginning.

Things continue to progress very well. Slight issues here and there but nothing too serious. My feet are swollen, sometimes my legs, still have carpal tunnel syndrome. My skin is extra dry and my left hip hurts a bit but other than those things, can't really comlain too much. One week until full term and while of course I want her to be healthy and happy, I also want her little behind out!

So, here's to the last few weeks of pregnancy and hoping that the next time, we decide to do this (if we decide to do this) we don't find out I'm pregnant until I'm about 4 months along. This has been one looooooooooooong experience.

Week 33

Ah! The 33rd week and I'm sooooo happy. Bumble is geting bigger and bigger (and heavier and heavier) by the day. Its to the point that when she moves, I see my stomach moving. When she balls up, I have a big knot in my stomach, right on the surface. I'm having a wonderfully normal pregnancy, something I am only too happy about since as a fat chick, I'm supposed to be sick and have high blood pressure and all kinds of complications.

We went to have 3d ultrasound pics taken this weekend but Bumble, in true Bumble fashion, decided she would literally show her behind and we didn't really get to see too much of her. We're supposed to go back later this week where hopefully she'll get herself together and we can see her cute little face.

Otherwise, all is well, its just a sit and wait thing now.

Week 31

I am soooooooo over work. At this point, I really just want to spend my days preparing the nursery, preparing her diapers, organizing baby clothes and of course, sleeping. I don't care about work, don't want to care about work, couldn't give a damn about it. Its like no matter what I'm doing during the day, my brain returns to "Baby, Baby, Baby" its so funny how a woman's brain works. I used to be such an intelligent, career driven person, now, all I want to do is look at baby clothes all day.

I'm back to being tired all of the time. Which is why I guess work is so unimportant right now. All I want to do is sleep. I don't want to walk, I get very tired so easily. Poor Paul drops me off right in front of the door of wherever we are going then has to find parking and walk back. Hope he forgives me. My day is not complete unless I take at least a two hour nap. I do however continue to wake up at odd times in the middle of the night starving or about ready to pee on myself. Usually, I'm up in the 3 to 4 hour. Today, however, its barely 3 and already I'm munching down on a bowl of Frosted Flakes.

So, Bumble has finally flipped! No more hanging out sideways digging her little fingers into my bladder. Now, her head does all of the bladder smashing. Its so weird because I actually felt her going through the motions of flipping. She didn't do it all at once the way I thought. It was a process that lasted a couple of days, which was why I was feeling her stick out the way she was. So, technically, 9 weeks to go. But, if my prayers are answered and my body likes the full moon as much as I hope it does, 7 weeks to go. I am soooooo ready.



Me at 30 weeks (click to see it, the picture post thing is being weird)

Tonight

I'm lying in bed and of course am starving and have to pee. I begin to get out of bed but feel this strange feeling in my belly. I placed my hands over the strange feeling and there is a huge, hard lump on my right side. I know this is Bumble so, I rub her, ell her how much I love her, how much I can't wait to see her and she moves, really quickly, while I'm holding her. This AMAZES me! I've felt her before by pressing into my belly but now, she's big enough to stick out on her own. She moved until my belly was flat and kicked a few times in response to my bothering her then, she stuck herself out again. I guess I scared her for a bit. I laid on my back for a bit and watched my belly change shape as she moved around for a bit. She is SOOOO alive! She is SOOOO real. She is SOOOO HERE!

Week 28

Lunar month 7, Gregorian month 6 and I am so tired of being pregnant. It isn't as hard as it was in the beginning. I'm used to the heaviness in my belly and my big boobs. I'm used to the aches and pains and swollen body parts. I'm not even as sleepy as I used to be. But, this takes soooooo long. Originally, I wanted three children but, jeez, I feel as though I've been pregnant for an entire year already. How can I do this twice more? I LOVE Bumble, I mean like beyond love her. I read to her and sing to her and giggle when she kicks me or kicks in response (in my head) to something I've said but, I'm really just ready to actually hold her and see her and most importantly not be pregnant anymore. 12 weeks (3 WHOLE months to go).

It's 3:58 am

and I am sooooooo hungry. I'm not going to eat because I find the most horrible things to eat at this time of night. I've been sick for the last few days and though I was supposed to clean my house yesterday (I've been cleaning out closets so, though the closets are clean, the rest of my house looks horrible) I managed to blow my nose, lay around, cough, eat and take naps. On the one hand, I'm feeling better. On the other, my house still looks horrible.

Bumble scared me greatly ove the weekend. Well actually, starting Thursday. Usually, she is all over the place, kicking, jumping, twisiting, having a really good time in there doing whatever she does. The past few days, I didn't feel her very much if at all. I assumed it was because I was sick and even though she herself may have not been sick, she was just laying low or maybe less energized because I was not feeling well. I noticed this on Thursday and definitely on Friday. On Saturday morning, I became increasingly upset so, I drank a large cup of very cold orange juice and laid on my left side for an hour. When not feeling a baby move for a while, drinking something cold and sugary usually gets them moving. Laying down on your left side, which allows maximum blood and oxygen to the placenta and which makes it easier for a mom to feel her in utero baby is supposed to do the trick. During this time, you should feel 10 movements. During that time, I only get 2 movements. This of course freaks me out more so, I call my doctor. He isn't on call so, I leave a message with his replacement. His replacement takes too long to call me back so, I call the midwife service that is available through my insurance company. I get a really sweet very southern sounding midwife who tells me it is best to go the hospital. So, off to the hospital I go.

I go to the hospital closest to me. Register. Sit. And WAIT. In the beginning, the hospital staff is a bit rude to me. The ask what clinic I go to. The ask about my PCAP (free city insurance), they ask very stupid questions. Once I let them know that I am not from a clinic, nor do I have PCAP, that I have a private doctor who wasn't on call, whose replacement wasn't as quick as I would like him to be and who came to the hospital after speaking with a midwife, they all of a sudden get much nicer. Oh, where do you work hon? F You lady, ten minutes ago you were treating me like crap now I'm hon?

Anyway, they monitored Bumble for twenty minutes where I had to hold this flat hard doppler against my lower belly the entire time. They give me another thing, like an old tv remote that I have to push every time I feel movement. If I didn't feel her move during that time, there was a possibility that she would have to be born. Very scary stuff. So, I'm holding this thing, my arms are aching and her heartbeat is going strong. I get a kick, I push. A few minutes later, I get movement, I push. I get one more something and again I push. This starts to scare me because I know I should be feeling more movement. Regularly she's all over the place. So, this nurse comes, looks at the reading so far, leaves. Other people come, like one after another and this scares the crap out of me. I call Bumble by her name and tell her, Baby, you have to move, its too soon for you to come. I'm not sure what you're doing in there but move Baby. I get one more kick, I push. The midwife comes back in, she says, very good, only 5 more minutes to go Mommy! Then a doctor comes in, reads the reading smiles at me, asks if I have other children and this freaks me out. Why is she asking if I have other children? Will I have to take comfort in my other children because Bumble's not going to make it? my heart is pounding, I'm scared and I get kick, kick, kick, squirm, toss, kick. I push, push, push, push, push, push, push. The kid hasn't stopped kicking or moving since.

13 Weeks to Go!

And they can not come soon enough. I feel like I've been pregnant FOREVER! I think the novelty of being pregnant has worn off and now, I just want our baby.

Things I LOVE about being pregnant:

Kicks and movement. This is by far the greatest feeling in the world, if she's not kicking me in the bladder. To feel a baby inside of you has to be one of the greatest sensations I have ever felt in my life. I can be in a horrible meeting bored out of my mind, she moves and I am so happy because I know she is okay, she is full of life and she is here!

Knowing that I am able to create a healthy baby. It is miraculous to know what the body is capable of. I am delighted to know that I am able to do what I am supposed to do. It makes me grateful for every day that she grows, every movement that she makes knowing that my body has been essential in her development.

The food. I eat food I would have NEVER thought about if I weren't pregnant. Things I haven't eaten in years or things I thought I didn't like. The downside of that: I will admit that Ihave on more than on ocassion eaten pork. Not sure what that's about. Hoping it will go away after Bumble is born.

Things I'm so so about:

The BELLY! On one hand, I LOVE my belly. It's round, it's big, it houses my baby. On the other hand, its big, it's round, it gets in my way. I can't bend over, I can't sleep on my stomach, my regular clothes don't fit, I can't reach essential places that are badly in need of being shaved and, I can't see my feet.

My boobs. My breasts have become these full, round things. Normally I would be happy for the added fullness but, these boobs aren't the boobies we've all come to know and love. My nipples are HUGE and BLACK and, I leak stuff. Kind of gross.


Things I don't like about being pregnant:

The hair growth. No one tells you about this. I won't go into detail but I have hair growing in places where women shouldn't grow hair yet, my legs don't grow much hair.

Bladder kicking. This seems to be a sport for Bumble. I can just read her thoughts: Hey, what's that? Mmmmm, let me kick it. That was fun. Let me jab it. Wow, let me use my little fingers and poke it. Hey, I can poke. Meanwhile, I'm literally going to the bathroom every 45 minutes or so and can barely make it there at night.

Maternity clothes. Polyester blends. Limited styles. No belts. No heels. Enough said.

The wait! Its been like a year already! When is this kid coming exactly?

So, 13 weeks to go. I can't wait.

Simultaneously Cool and Gross

This morning I was laying on my belly. I've perfected a way to do this with two body pillows and and lots of weight being balanced on my thighs. Well, this morning, the belly just wouldn't cooperate so, I had to settle for laying on my side. I felt Bumble move so, I rubbed my belly and felt this very hard lump. I pressed in and the lump moved. I realized instantly this was Bumble, ewwwwwwww and wow! Wow, I can feel Bumble by just pressing into my belly, ewwwwwwwww, I can feel Bumble by just pressing into my belly. It is the coolest and grossest thing. Like, amazing, I can feel my baby's head and arm and butt but ewwwwww, there's like a miniature person living inside of me. It's lovely and Alien all at the same time.

I went back for a second ultrasound the other day because Bumble is a stubborn baby and doesn't like to move around much when being examined. Still throughout this ultrasound, Bumble refused to move much. She literally showed her ass to the sonographer the entire time (she was transverse, upside down with her butt facing us). We were able to see the heart, 4 nice healthy chambers, the liver, kidneys and bladder. We were able to see her face (cute fat cheeks) fingers, which by far are the cutest fingers on the cutest hand in the world and, I even saw her blow bubbles. She got frustrated after a while and in typical Bumble fashion, began kicking the sonographer's probe so, we took a break in the middle so that she and I could both relax.

Gratuitous Bumble pics:

Alien Bumble (that's actually her cute little face)




Cute profile (I think she has my nose)

My cat is PSYCHIC

So, normally my cat basically ignores me unless I have a bag or can of food in my hand. Other times, he kind of looks at me from afar, will sit next to me if I'm at my computer desk, will try to sleep in my bed at night but this is all for his benefit, there's no REAL love for me.

Lately when I come home, he runs from where ever he is and starts meowing until I rub his head. He sits next to me when I'm on the couch, lays next to me when I'm in bed, gazes into my eyes and has this far away "I'm on crack" look to him. Whatever, he's a cat, right?

The other day, I got out of the shower and laid across my bed (I was tired from taking my shower, something that never happened pre-pregnancy) I'm laying across the bed and Bumble is jumping around, kicking, generally having a good time in my belly. Cat jumps on the bed and stares RIGHT at my lower tummy. He's staring and purring then, he snuggles up against my belly and starts rubbing his head on me. Okay, he's a cat, right? "Get out of here cat!", he jumps off the bed. I like him but I don't want him rubbing himself against my naked body, that just doesn't seem right.

Another day, I'm sitting on the couch watching Dr. Katz. Again, Bumble is jumping, kicking, doing whatever it is she does in there and Cat jumps on the couch and stares at my belly. He stares and he purrs. He gazes into my eyes and makes these little kitten noises, he then takes his head and rubs it against my belly. This time, since I was clothed, I let him do this. I start to think he knows something is up.

Another day, I'm laying in bed going to sleep. I just finished reading to Bumble and shes moving around, again, doing whatever she does in there. Again, Cat gets really close to me, comes to my belly and starts licking it. I let him because I'm trying to see what he sees or hears or understands. He puts his paw on my belly and starts licking my belly and purring. It was really sweet. That night, he tries to sleep right next to my belly but with all of the tossing and turning I tend to do, it was very difficult for him.

So, my cat is psychic, I SWEAR he knows the deal.

Stubborn Bumble

So the big day came, we got up bright and early for our very early appointment. We get to the hospital, sign in, I drink like an entire container of orange juice, wait like an hour and then we get ready to see our Bumble.

Obviously this kid has the sense of humor of both her mom and dad because she decided she would do nothing through the entire procedure. First of all, she was upside down, transverse, like she was crawling around in the sack. The sonographer, jiggled my belly, she kicked back in frustration. I probed my belly, she kicked back, at one point she both kicked and punch but, she wouldn't move, she wouldn't flip over. We got a good look at her heart and spine, a great look at her head and feet, but not much else. So, we have to go back in two weeks because Bumble just wouldn't cooperate.

Her she is in all her stubborn glory. Upside down, sleeping and not really wanting to be bothered.



Today however, she is all over the place. Our street is having a block party, I was out for a bit, barbecuing with my mom, listening to the forty different types of music everyone is playing and she is all over the place jumping, kicking, twirling. I bet you her little behind in right side up today.

So, in another two weeks maybe we'll get to see whats going on.

Week 20

Officially half way there!

Only 20 weeks to go.

It feels like sooooo much time has passed. Next pregnancy, I don't want to find out I'm pregnant until I'm like 3 months. This is taking forever. In celebration of our 20th week, here's a belly shot.

Note the big boobies:



Entering month 6. Only 4 months to go.

4 days to Level II ultrasound.

Its 4:10 am

It's 4:10 am
I'm currently eating manzanilla olives and slices of feta cheese wrapped in salami.

Only 7 days to big ultrasound!

I'm exhausted

I'm exhausted!
How can someone sleep for 11 hours and still be sleepy? Its like I'm some weird freak of nature. I went to bed at 9:30 last night. I was actually mad at myself because I, a big grown woman, was fighting my sleep like a child. Refusing to go to sleep at 9, I began reading. Finally, it was too much and I HAD to actually allow myself to sleep. I woke up about 5 in the morning, laid there until about 6 then went back to sleep. I finally got out of bed at about 9:20 this morning. Now, I sit at my desk at 12:10 pm and I am exhausted. I mean like really, really sleepy. I tried to set up a sleep station between two office chairs but was afraid if I really fell asleep, the chair would roll from beneath me. I have two interviews scheduled for this afternoon and I want to cancel them because I haven't the energy or interest to sit here and listen to someone go on and on about their foolishness. Who cares?

I'm very excited as our pregnancy continues PROBLEM FREE!!! (knock on wood)

Things I LOVE about being pregnant:

-Feeling Bumble inside of me. It is an absolute WONDERFUL feeling! (My baby is the SMARTEST baby EVER) today, I was visiting my Mom. I tell her, Bumble hasn't kicked me in a few days. I've felt her squirming and moving but no kicks. No less than 5 minutes later I SWEAR, she kicks a few times in a row. Tell me that isn't genius!

-Knowing that I have created the smartest baby ever. See above.

-Having that pregnancy glow. Now, admittedly, my skin was jacked up last week. Why? Not sure, probably hormones but once again, my skin is gorgeous and if I do say so myself, I'm looking pretty cute.


-I can eat whatever I want. I've only gained like 5 pounds. Seriously. I had cheeseburger with fries two days in a row and no one said anything. Of course I still eat lots of fruit and veggies and all the good stuff that I'm supposed to eat but come on, cheeseburgers, twice in week and no one says a thing?

-Everyone is super nice to me. Since I'm REALLY showing now, people are just so kind. They get out of my way when I'm walking down the street, they hold doors open for me for ridiculous amounts of time, like I'm down the hall and they are specifically holding the door for me. I get offered seats even in places where people don't usually sit down, like the bank. (That REALLY happened).

-I can wear flip flops all the time and no one says a thing. I'm pregnant, what are they going to say?

-I take the greatest naps. My mom's couch, is like the comfiest place in the world. I was home today and Sam and I went to her house specifically so that I could take a nap on her couch.


-Whining and pouting is cute again. This only would work with my dad, even when I was an adult. After he died, no one paid much attention to my whining so, I stopped. Now that I'm pregnant, I can whine and pout my way into and out of all kinds of stuff.

Things I don't like about being pregnant:

-Waddling. I waddle like a duck. Not a cute look for a fat chick.

-My boobs hurt like ALL of the time. If not the actual breasts, then the nipples. Its really sick.

-My skin is weird sometimes. I'm usually gorgeous but every so often, my skin looks a mess and I'm not sure why.

-Ugly clothes. I can't wear cute vintage stuff anymore. :( I can barely fit into the majority of my clothes and my maternity clothes aren't really my style. All very bad things for a clothes whore.

-EVERYONE wants to talk about me being pregnant. Sometimes I just want to talk about other stuff but its like I'm not supposed to talk about anything else.

-I have to sleep in weird positions. I have to sleep on my sides which is horrendous. I have like 25 pillows that I sleep with nightly otherwise, sleeping in bed is very uncomfortable.

-STRETCH MARKS. No amount of water drinking, olive oil or shea butter can stop these things. They are onthe bottom of my once stretch mark-less belly like veins. They're very light but I see them and worse, I feel them. Very nasty things they are.

July 2

Not much has happened this month which is a very good thing. I've jsut been fascinated by the different things my body has been doing. My lower belly is weird and different. My boobs have big veins in them. My nipples are HUGE. My skin is simultaneously dry but smooth, oily but flaky. The skin on my feet are REALLY dry. I'm still sleepy all of the time and can easily take three hour naps and still sleep the entire night.

Baby Pics!

So, today, we went for a Level I ultrasound. basic stuff to check for Down Syndrome, and the check minor development. We'll have a Level II at 20 weeks or so.

So, we get in the ultrasound room and the tech squirts that icky, sticky gel all over me. There, on the screen, we see Bumble for the first time since she's looked like a real baby, I saw her at a quickie ultrasound a few weeks back but, she kind of looked like a little alien.

When the tech first starts the exam, Bumble is asleep and not doing much. The tech takes the ultrasound probe and starts jiggling my belly. Bumble wakes up, throws her hands in the air and starts backing up against the back of her sac. As little as she is, she starts hitting at the probe! Like, you can see the probe making a dent in the amniotic sac and having never experienced anything like this before, I guess she is freaked out. But, she doesn't just sit there and let this strange thing invade her space, she starts attacking it, like defending herself. It was so amazing to see. I would never think that a little baby, only 13 weeks old would be able to think, strategize and go through with a plan but, that is exaclty what she did.

Time for shameless gushing:

Here is Bumble hitting at the probe that is invading her space. Poor little baby.
And, a womderful shot of Bumble's cute little nose.

Baby Kicks!

I'v been feeling this squirmy, weird feeling for the past few weeks. I asked my OB if the baby is moving he said, "No, its probably gas, you won't feel the baby until about 20 weeks". Yeah, whatever, I'm feeling Baby move, that brother doesn't know what he's talking about. When I'm laying really still at night, I feel brushing up against me but from the inside. I feel twinges and things that I can only describe as muscle spasms. I've never felt that before so, I assume its baby. Anyway, yesterday, we went to the mall. On our way back, we hit a pot hole and WHACK! I get this huge kick, right in my left lower part of my belly. It was really weird because, I've never felt anything like that and of course, gas doesn't kick. After the kick, I felt this movement, like heavier than before then, nothing. Gas, my foot!

Embarking on month 3

Things people never tell you about pregnancy until you are actually pregnant:

Pregnancy actually lasts 10 months. That nine month crap is for the birds.

I'm SO excited to have hit the 3 month mark! I'm SO impatient so, this is just great. I'm really accustomed to the idea of being pregnant now and getting more excited, it that's even possible. I'm starting to show which so far has been the most fun part of being pregnant. But, I'm such a ham about it as I rub my pooch all day, talking to baby as though she is a grown woman. I'm so in love with my baby and with being pregnant and have quickly turned into one of those obesessed with everything baby people that I once made fun of. Ah well.

So, I'm definitely changing. My skin is no longer dry and icky and is actually really gorgeous and soft, I look wonderful if I do say so myself. I haven't been half as hungry as I was in prior weeks and acutally, I can't eat as much as I did because my stomach hurts for hours if I do. I'm still extremely gassy, belching like a hog and making all kinds of noises I really didn't know I could make. I've been having a hard time sleeping for the entire night because

a) I have to pee every hour almost on the hour and
b) I can't seem to find a very comfortable position in which to sleep

I'm still sleepy all of the time.

When I get up in the morning, I have this general feeling of heaviness in my abdomen, boobs, legs and butt which I have to walk off before doing anything else.

But generally, I feel good and of course, I'm very happy.


I've nicknamed the baby Bumble since I have been calling her/him Baby or by the girl nameI have chosen.

I've begun reading to Bumble nightly, this week we are reading Chrysanthemum. Next week we'll probably read Grandmama's Joy.

Wow, I'm really pregnant.

Pregnancy symptoms:

stuffy nose (are these allergies?)
dry flaky skin (yuck)
achy, swollen breasts
painful nipples on said breasts
gas, gas, gas (double yuck)
sleepy, sleepy, sleepy, sleepy

cravings this week:
pancackes (from Junior's restaurant)
tacos (8 in three days)
cheeseburger
ox tails (what is this about?)
sushi ( I can only have califronia rolls and cooked sushi which isn't really sushi)

Craving already? Or, just greedy?

Cravings: White Castle cheeseburgers and clam strips (this is like CRACK, soooooooo goooooood)
Pizza, extra sauce, extra cheese
California rolls

First Pics and Scary Stuff

Baby scared the junk out of me today. So, I had my first appointment with my midwife this morning. She's right in the neighborhood, not very far from my job. So, afterwards, I decide to take a nice walk back to my office, its a beautiful day and I'm feeling really well. I take a slow walk back, get to my office, have a yogurt, check my email, then decide to go to the bathroom before I start my "real" work. I get to the bathroom and I'm bleeding. Its thick and icky and I feel like I'm going to cry. I get up and walk back to my office, I know for sure I'm losing this baby and I'm terrified. I call Paul, let him know what's happening and we decide we should go to the hospital. I catch a cab to the hospital, he gets there like five minutes later and I'm more scared than scared. I'm terrified. My blood pressure is high, my heart is beating fast, my hands are shaking. We go back to the emergency room area a woman comes and takes my blood, they try to get me to pee but, I'm terrified so nothing is happening. We wit there, and sit there, and site there. We call my midwife who gives me the "50% of women miscarry, 50% of women go on to havve successful pregnancies speech" (who wants to hear that shit?). We call my OB who tells me to come in. We get to my OB's office and right away, I feel calmer. My heart slows down, we get an ultrasound and internal exam and everything seems okay. Here is our first picture of baby, at 5 weeks, just a little sac.


Perfectly shaped gestational sac.

"This looks like a good pregnancy" says Dr. Ahmadi.

WOW! I'm Pregnant!!

Positive pregnancy test this morning. First cycle trying. WOW! I'm almost in shock.

I'm impatient

So, this morning I wake up bright and early because I've decided I'm going to go to the drug store to get a pregnancy test before going to work. I had it all planned out. Wake up, walk up to Rite Aid on Broadway, go across the street, catch the bus to work. Seems simple enough, right? NO. I wake up, walk to Rite Aid and there aren't ANY pregnancy tests in the entire store! I've never heard of anything like this in my life. When I asked the woman behind the counter if the pregnancy tests were back there, first, she looked at me like I was crazy. Then, she looked at my belly then she goes, "no, we ain't got none". Okay, I'm sooooo mad but, I REFUSE to go to work without a test so, I catch a cab to Ridgewood, go to the Duane Reade there, where there is a SELECTION of pregnancy tests. I choose three boxes of two, because I'm crazy like that and catch a cab to work.

And, because I'm crazy and couldn't wait until I got home, I took the test at work. I got a very faint positive. I had to go online and check out what a faint positive meant. So, no matter how faint, a positive is a positive. I called my mom and one of my sister/friends. We were all happy and giggly.

December Baby?

Mmmmmm, too excited to not get this out.

Baby? Maybe?

Bloated
Gassy
Crampy
Soooooo Hungry
Dizzy
Ridiculous amounts of energy
Really happy
Was told I was glowing
Lower back pain
Sooooooo Hungry
Craving

So, I've decided to post on the real

This is too important a time in my life to write as part of a circle. I want to write, what I'm feeling, what I'm thinking, my experiences during this time. This may be boring, as I've discovered like many of you, that my life is pretty dull. But, beginning this new step, being one of the most important things I will ever do in my life, I don't want to cloud it with compilations or retellings. I'm not sure where this will go. I guess along the lines of AuNapturale, but about life. Here goes:

We've decided to have a baby. We've been talking about it for a while but actually decided to go ahead. I'm ovulating next week so, maybe we'll try this cycle. According to everything I've read, it may take us a while to actually get pregnant. We're bothe 30 so, there is like a 20 percent chance of getting pregnant during each cycle. We may at this for a while. So, here we go, cycle 1 began March 26th, I am on day 6.